Terrified
by saucyerin
Summary: Sean is finally back from the war, but he has some problems. Emma's decided to help him through it. Where will this lead them?


_Sean heard a pen click and in an instant he was under a table. Sean knew they were being bombed. He had to protect himself and everyone around him. Taking a deep breath filled with resolve, he shot out from his hiding place and began to yell, "Everyone under the tables! We're under attack! Under the table!" And he returned to his place on the floor._

_If Sean weren't so scared himself, he would have noticed how quiet the café had gotten, how everyone was staring at him. He would have noticed Emma trying to diffuse the situation by say, "No, it's okay everyone. We're all fine, I promise."_

_Sean felt a hand grip his arm and started to scream, knowing that he was about to be taken away and shot, or tortured for the information he held about his country. He tried to pull away, but the hand only held tighter. "Sean! Sean!_" Sean stopped yelling in his strangled voice, keeping his eyes squeezed shut. "C'mon, Sean, you're okay." He knew that voice. He could pick it out in a crowded room in his sleep. It was a voice full of love and familiarity. But what was Emma doing in a war zone? His eyes opened and he saw Emma's concerned face swirling in front of him, moving in and out of focus and he tried to understand.

"Sean, look at me," He could tell she was talking to him, but why was she here? She should be at home, safe. His hands moved to grab her face.

"What are you doing here, Em?" He asked her, his eyes full of panic. He rubbed his thumb over her cheek, felt his fingers in her hair and knew she was real. But the war, the war was real. She was in danger, she would be killed. They were using her to get to him! He had to save her. "Emma, we need to get out of here, they're going to kill us. They're going to hurt you."

"No, Sean," She was shaking her head in disagreement. Was she one of them? Was she against Sean, on the other side? Sean began to pull away, his face reflecting horror. "Sean, where are we right now?"

Why was she asking that? She knew where there were. "What do you mean? We're in Afghanistan and you're with _them_! I can't believe you'd do that to me. What'd they do, huh? Did they give you money o-or did they promise to recycle?" He was yelling again. His words cut off in a choked sob.

"No, Sean. We're in The Dot, in Toronto." She was reaching for him, trying to make him realize. "You got back last month. You're living with me. You're not in the war anymore, Sean. You're in Canada. There's no attack, you're safe."

"W-what? No, we're in the middle east and -and" Sean's head was clearing up now. "And we're in Toronto in The Dot and we're safe."

"That's right." Emma said. She was used to these kind of outbursts. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Sean stood up and squared his shoulders. He quickly stepped out of the café, extremely embarrassed to have and episode in public, and at one of his favorite places too.

Emma saw Spinner out of the corner of her eye and felt him put his hand on her shoulder. "He'll be okay, Em. Just give him some time." He said.

Emma had watched Sean walk out of The Dot with a frown on her face. "Yeah, I know," She sighed. "I just wish he would listen to me when I tell him he needs to see someone about it. Anyway, I have to go find him, I'll see you later."

Emma left The Dot and looked left and right, searching for some sign that Sean was nearby. Not seeing him on the street, she called his phone, only getting his voicemail. She left him a quick message telling him that she was looking for him. Emma knew that if Sean didn't want to be found, he wouldn't turn his phone on for quite a few hours.

The blonde would usually leave him alone until he cooled off, but she didn't want him to be alone if he had another episode. She quickly went through a list of places that Sean would go to to feel safe. Not her parent's house, they were both home today with Jack and the new baby. Not Jay's, Manny was always over there. Not The Dot, seeing as they had just come from there. There was only one place left.

The Ravine.

Plucking her keys from her bag, Emma got into her car and sped off to the ravine. On foot, Sean would get there after she did. She kept an eye on the sides of the roads, looking for him. Reaching the overgrown party spot, she still saw no trace of him. She decided to sit down on one of the abandoned chairs. No one had come to the ravine in years. This was definitely the spot Sean would turn to.

Sean's cheeks were flushed, and he kept his head down as he walked briskly to the ravine. He thought it would be empty. He was sick of feeling like this. Jumping at every sound, always being scared. Vulnerable. Sean wanted to be strong for Emma, to prove he was worth her time, to prove he was worth her taking another chance. And all he had done since returning to Toronto was prove her wrong.

Soon, Sean found himself in the ravine. He began to find somewhere to sit when he saw a flash of blonde. Emma. How had she known? He looked up into her warm brown eyes and lost his train of thought.

"Sean," With one word out of her mouth, he regretted leaving her behind. The next thing Sean knew, he was holding her in his arms, holding her tightly, inhaling her vanilla honey shampoo as he buried his face into her neck.

Emma held him just as tightly, rubbing he back and whispering comforting things to him. She felt wetness on her neck and realized that Sean was crying. Her rock had broken. She pulled away and held his face in her hands as she kissed him soundly.

"Sean, I love you, you know that, right?"

"I know, Em." Sean took a deep breathe and prepared himself for Emma telling him she was leaving for good. He couldn't bare to look at her. He couldn't bare to see her pity.

"Sean, look at me," She said softly.

It took him a few minutes, but he finally lifted his head. Emma would have waited as long as it took to see his blue eyes, bloodshot now, but still familiar.

"I know you're worried about it, you look terrified every time you look at me. I am not leaving you." She was stern, trying her hardest to get through to Sean. "I love you. And I don't care if you're going insane, or if you can't remember me sometimes. I'm in this for the long haul."

"But, Emma-" Sean was attempting to give her a reason to leave, but was cut off.

"No, Sean. I'm not giving up."

Sean looked into her eyes and saw the old, stubborn Emma he had fallen in love with. "Emma, I'm not the same Sean anymore. I'm fucked up. I can't tell reality from my nightmares anymore. It isn't safe for you to be around me anymore."

"I don't care." She stuck out her jaw and refused to give in. When Sean had enlisted, she wasn't sure she would ever see him again. She hadn't been sure that the possibility of an encounter like this was even there. There was no way that she was going to let him run away again. Sean had a knack of ignoring his problems, shutting himself away. Emma truly believe that if he reverted to his old ways this time, he would just end up killing himself. "You need help, and I'm not going to let you ignore it."

"There's nothing anyone can do, Emma." He said. "I'm just messed up. And nothing will ever change that. And I don't deserve someone like you. Just leave."

Sean walked away and sat down on a fallen log, putting his head in his hands. How he had even managed to snag Emma, he would never know. She was wonderful, perfect and he was everything but. He was a messed up freak, a loser without a future. The only good things he had in his life with Emma and the army. The army screwed with his head and made him lose Emma in the first place.

Emma came to sit next to Sean. She understood his terror. He couldn't go one day without an episode, and as time went on, they were getting more and more violent. He was not only scared of the world now, but was also afraid of himself. He was afraid of hurting Emma, marring her beautiful skin. He was terrified to hurt the people he cared about. Sean didn't care if he hurt himself, he didn't matter.

"I will do anything to help you. I will go to the Prime Minister himself and force him to end the war myself, if it makes you feel better." Emma said quietly. "There is nothing I wouldn't do to help you, Sean. And you're going to be okay, even if it takes a while."

"But what if I don't get better? What if this keeps happening?" He asked her. The look on his face reminded Emma of a scared child. She had never seen Sean like this before. Not even after that night the police were looking for him.

She wiped away the tears from his wet cheeks and gave him a smile, "Then we'll just have to stick you in the psych ward at Toronto Medical." She joked. Sean face paled and became more horrified. "I'm kidding, Sean. Just kidding. I will not put you away. But you do need to get help."

Sean nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess."

"My therapist is great, I think you would like her." She said. "I could set up an appointment for you if you want."

Maybe things wouldn't be like this forever. Maybe one day, Sean would be back to normal, well, whatever normal was for him. Maybe there was marriage and kids and even a custom car shop in his future. Sean let himself think of a life with Emma, and found a small piece of himself that he thought was lost.

"Okay. I'll go see your therapist. But one thing first, Emma?" He looked at her with his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah?"

"Marry me?" He asked.

Emma's face split into a wide grin, "It's about damn time, Sean Cameron." She leaned in to kiss him, giving him her answer, one that she had been ready to give since the day she met him. "Let's go home."


End file.
